Having Your Cake

Yesterday when we were packing, I asked Noah to come and help me with his toys. He refused, and told me it would be boring. I told him to just come and help me, it will be a piece of cake. He said, "Yeah, a really hard one, that you have to cut with a saw."

More Noah

Noah went to play at his friend's house. When I went to pick him up he told my that he played with a cool puzzle, and could I buy him one, please. I asked him where his friend got it. He said, "On the internet." I said okay, I will asked his mom and find out which website. Noah said to me, "I think you just type www.coolpuzzles.com. I'm sure they sell them there."

Wrong. Just, wrong.

For all of you who need a laugh today, read this:

http://kryptonsgirl.blogspot.com/2009/04/goinggreen.html

You Keep Using That Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means.

Last week Noah and my nephew, Bennett stayed with me while the rest of the boys stayed with my brother and sister-in-law. I was having a lazy morning, reading in bed, when I overheard this conversation:

Bennett: “What was that noise?” after the furnace had kicked on. “Was it wain?”

Noah: “Do you mean Wayne, my mom’s dad?”

Bennett: “You mean Grandpa?”

Noah: “Yeah.”

Bennett: “No, you know the stuff that falls from the sky?”

Noah: “Oh, you mean wain.”

Funny, funny boys. They were great to have with me for the day. I was highly entertained.

Things I Love Today

1. Democracy
2. Gravity
3. Thor-lo socks
4. Rain
5. Girlfriends

I Feel Five

Last week while driving Chris to basketball, Noah and I had this conversation:

Noah: "I think I'm five now."

Me: "You haven't had your birthday yet, you're still four."

Noah: "I did, I grew, and I'm five."

Me: "Your birthday is after Halloween, after Christmas, after New Year's."

Noah: "I think I'm five. I just feel five."

Internet Explorer Doesn't Want to Display This Webpage

Every time I go to a new website, my Internet Explorer gives me this: "Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage...." I then hit refresh and voila, the website.

This makes me feel more like Internet Explorer doesn't want to display the webpage, more than it can't. Or that it is like Sam, when I send him to look for something like his shoes or (insert lost object here). He goes off searching, while the rest of the family shears a sheep, cards and spins the wool, and knits enough sweaters to clothe Bill Cosby during the Cosby Show years, then he returns and says he can't find his shoes or (insert lost object here). If you are a mom, you know the next step. You say, "if I come looking for your shoes or (insert lost object here), and I find them, then you are going to be in TROUBLE!" And then you go and look and find the shoes or (insert lost object here) and you find them where they belong, in the closet, or on top of the nightstand, or in the bathroom. You know, pretty much in plain sight, and in less that 45 seconds.

So what I'm saying is that maybe my page should say: "Internet Explorer is too lazy to look very hard for the webpage, so go find it yourself."

-humorous postscript: When I hit the publish post button I got "Internet Explorer cannot show the webpage." Nice.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

The other day Marcus was in my room playing the Wii, when Noah came up to me and said, "I usually get what I want, don't I?"

I replied, "Yes, you do. What do you want?"

Noah: "I want to play the Wii, so tell Marcus to get off of it."

Me: "No, you don't always get what you want. Marcus was there first."

Noah: "THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

I Have Just Won a Major Award

It's official! According to a panel of four independent judges, I am now the Meanest Mom in the World!

Do you suppose this award comes with a cash prize?

The Internet Here Stinks!

I have spent countless hours trying to upload photos/video to this blog. In the last few months I have been completely unsuccessful.

I really hate the internet here. We pay about the same as we did in the US, for a "broadband" connection that is only marginally faster than dial-up.

Our friends that have good, fast, reliable internet are paying over $200 a month. To me that's just about a car payment, and I refuse to pay it.

A Letter to My Neighbors

Dear Neighbors Who Live Right Next Door,

Please tell the DJ to stop playing music so loudly. Because it is one in the morning, and none of us here can sleep. And we have one last day of school tomorrow. So please, please, please STOP. PLAYING. MUSIC. NOW!

Sincerely,

Your Neighbor Who Has Four Boys That Need to Go to Sleep, Right Next Door to Your Very Late and Loud Party on a School Night

Merry Christmas!

To tell you the truth, I didn't discover this on my own. Lindsay and Seth sent one to their family, who forwarded it to me. So, I'm not original, but it doesn't make this any less funny.

Enjoy!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9532899086

Here's a link to Lindsay and Seth's: http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9526815833

This is really too funny. Make one of your own, post it to the comments...

Hmm...

When I started this blog I thought, “I’m moving to a foreign country. I’ll have lots of experiences that will be interesting and worth writing about.” And I’ve had some. One or two...hundred. But lately I’ve been having a hard time coming up with something to write, something that would show my shock and surprise at living in a foreign country. I’ve got Noah stories. I can tell you that the boys like to complain about school, but nothing on how I’m getting along in my new country. Do you suppose that I’ve finally adjusted?

Sponsored Links

I use gmail to keep in touch with the world, and, like many free web based services, on the top of my inbox there is a spot for sponsored links. So I will go to them, and maybe look at, buy, or subscribe to something. I get it. It's not really free.

My complaint is not about the fact that the links are there. It is more about the content, because today my link is: "Do You Have Belly Fat?"

Yes. I do. Of course I do. I have four kids, and I like chocolate. But I don't like to think about it. Mostly I like to pretend that I don't have it, and that I look like Beyoncé or Shakira. Not like Bulgy the Whale or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Now, I can't avoid it, the reality of my body.

I feel so good about myself now.

Thanks, gmail. Thanks a lot.

eBay Pokémon Card Auction

I'm sure that I am really far behind on this, and that everyone has already seen it. Twice. But, I just found it:

http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com/2007/08/adventures-in-grocery-shopping.html.

I laughed until I cried. Kids!

Graffiti Artist

As long as he has been able to hold a pencil, Noah has loved drawing on walls. We have a lovely example on the wall in our house in Salt Lake City, executed in black Sharpie. He has also decorated the floor of our Salt Lake house, and some other areas in a variety of media. He is most adept at drawing in Sharpie, but also has proficiency in ink, pencil, chalk (my personal favorite), and crayon.

Yesterday my maid told me that Noah had drawn on the walls with a pen. I asked Noah, after I found the small masterpieces, why he drew on the walls. Our conversation went as follows:

Me: "Noah, why did you draw on the wall? I just gave you like, ten pieces of paper."

Noah: "Hmm, I was tired of drawing on paper."

Yeah, well guess what Noah? I'm tired of cleaning the walls.

Top Five Text Messages From Chris

Unedited and direct from my cell phone! These are all from one conversation, one sunny afternoon in September.

5. If u love me then ud lev me miss bball.

4. Please can i come hom i mean football practice is better then this.

3. Mom maybe u shudnt text me back cuz this phone is gonna be smashed into a 10000000 pieces

2. Srry chris cant text u back his phone is smashed into 1000000000 pieces

1. All he said was blah blah blah and i said so i can go hom and then he said blah

Just so you all know, he went to basketball practice. Because I am mean. And I like it.

What?!

Yesterday was my birthday. This is Noah's gift to me:

"Mom, you drive me nuts!"

I drive him nuts?

INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The guys finally showed up from the internet company. Congratulate us on joining the 21st century.

Happy day after Christmas!

We survived Christmas! Hooray! The boys got everything they wanted and then some. We got a Wii, it rocks - we've already spent 20 hours playing it. Chris got Guitar Hero 2, also rocks, we want a whole garage band game. I'm going to post some pictures as soon as I upload them, too lazy right now.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!