Merry Christmas!

To tell you the truth, I didn't discover this on my own. Lindsay and Seth sent one to their family, who forwarded it to me. So, I'm not original, but it doesn't make this any less funny.

Enjoy!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9532899086

Here's a link to Lindsay and Seth's: http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9526815833

This is really too funny. Make one of your own, post it to the comments...

Hmm...

When I started this blog I thought, “I’m moving to a foreign country. I’ll have lots of experiences that will be interesting and worth writing about.” And I’ve had some. One or two...hundred. But lately I’ve been having a hard time coming up with something to write, something that would show my shock and surprise at living in a foreign country. I’ve got Noah stories. I can tell you that the boys like to complain about school, but nothing on how I’m getting along in my new country. Do you suppose that I’ve finally adjusted?

Sponsored Links

I use gmail to keep in touch with the world, and, like many free web based services, on the top of my inbox there is a spot for sponsored links. So I will go to them, and maybe look at, buy, or subscribe to something. I get it. It's not really free.

My complaint is not about the fact that the links are there. It is more about the content, because today my link is: "Do You Have Belly Fat?"

Yes. I do. Of course I do. I have four kids, and I like chocolate. But I don't like to think about it. Mostly I like to pretend that I don't have it, and that I look like Beyoncé or Shakira. Not like Bulgy the Whale or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Now, I can't avoid it, the reality of my body.

I feel so good about myself now.

Thanks, gmail. Thanks a lot.

eBay Pokémon Card Auction

I'm sure that I am really far behind on this, and that everyone has already seen it. Twice. But, I just found it:

http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com/2007/08/adventures-in-grocery-shopping.html.

I laughed until I cried. Kids!

Graffiti Artist 2

The saga continues...

I am going to have to hide all writing instruments. Everyone of them, the pens, pencils, markers, crayons, Sharpies. All. Without exception.

Kevin called me upstairs last night and asked me why I was drawing on the walls. Apparently, when questioned about the drawing, Noah told Kevin that I had done it. I denied it, because clearly I didn't do it. If I drew on the wall it would be colorful, and have a rainbow, with a sun peeking out from behind a cloud. And there would definitely be a unicorn. Or Pegasus.

So I asked Noah who drew on the wall. He told me that it must be Sam. Sam drew on the wall. I pointed out that the size and location of the drawing led me to believe that someone exactly his height had executed the drawing, but he assured me that it was Sam. Or Marcus. But definitely not him.

I asked, "Noah tell me the truth, who drew on the wall?"

He told me, "Sam did."

By this time Kevin and I are both frustrated not so much about the drawing, but about Noah's ability to lie very convincingly to both of his parents.

Then Kevin asked him, "Do you know the what the truth is?"

His response, "Yes."

Kevin: "If I said you were a girl, would that be the truth?"

Noah: "No."

Kevin: "If I said you were a boy, is that the truth?"

Noah: "Yes."

Kevin: "Okay, then who drew on the wall?"

Noah: "Sam. Or Marcus. Or Mom."

Me: "Noah, you drew on the wall, right?"

Noah, rolling his eyes: "Yes."

Kevin: "Who drew on the wall?"

Noah: "Sam."

He is really good at lying, he looks us straight in the eyes, no funny faces, no smiling, he is dead serious. We are in so much trouble. I can just see it--

Me, to sixteen year old Noah: "Noah, who's beer cans are in the garbage?"

Noah: "Sam's. Or Dad's."

Or--

Me, to sixteen year old Noah: "What happened to the car while you were out?

Noah: "You wrecked it. Or Dad. Or Sam."

Scary!

On a more positive note, I'm thinking I will start a business with his artistic talent. I'm going to get T-shirts printed up that say, "Because I was tired of drawing on paper," and then I'm going to have Noah draw on them. Then I'm going to sell them on the Internet for $24.99, plus shipping and handling. Because when he is a famous artist, they will be worth much, much more.

Graffiti Artist

As long as he has been able to hold a pencil, Noah has loved drawing on walls. We have a lovely example on the wall in our house in Salt Lake City, executed in black Sharpie. He has also decorated the floor of our Salt Lake house, and some other areas in a variety of media. He is most adept at drawing in Sharpie, but also has proficiency in ink, pencil, chalk (my personal favorite), and crayon.

Yesterday my maid told me that Noah had drawn on the walls with a pen. I asked Noah, after I found the small masterpieces, why he drew on the walls. Our conversation went as follows:

Me: "Noah, why did you draw on the wall? I just gave you like, ten pieces of paper."

Noah: "Hmm, I was tired of drawing on paper."

Yeah, well guess what Noah? I'm tired of cleaning the walls.